2007年1月10日水曜日

Bioethics Essay - Minor Assignment 5 - First Draft (400+)

The better choice of abortion

  There are many issues of bioethics causing ethical dilemmas all over the world. They are all related to a matter of life and death. One of the issues of bioethics is abortion. It is possible that a woman chooses whether she has a baby or not. This paper will discuss whether women should have an abortion or not. There are some situations that women have an abortion, but abortion shouldn't be done.

  People who think women need abortion are called "pro-choice". They have several reasons why women need abortion. One of them is undesirable pregnancy like rape. In fact, japanese law permits an abortion if a pregnancy is the result of rape (Researchers). When a man attacks a woman, it seems to be difficult that she defends herself because generally men are stronger than women. Therefore, abortion can be a significant way in this case.
  In addition to the above, there is another reason why women need abortion. Abortion advocates focus on helping women and children and alleviating the social, economical factors that lead to abortion (Tom). It cost a large sum of money to raise a child. If parents are young, it is hard for them to pay. Therefore, such people who have social and economical problems can't help but have an abortion.

  On the other hands, abortion opponents think not only a child's right to live but also the influences on mother. One of them is safety of abortion. According to WHO, 19 million unsafe abortions occur around the world annually and that 68,000 of these result in the woman's death (Unsafe abortion). It is surprised that abortion has a possibility of killing mother instead of death of an unborn baby. Therefore, if abortion has a danger of death, people shouldn't have an abortion or people need to care about it and need to know other possibilities of death due to infectious deseases or complications before having an abortion or getting pregnant.
  Furthermore, another influence is mental anguish. Women who have abortions have risk of depression and other mental illness (Bennett). In addition, the existence of trauma after aborion is now almost universally accepted, and also abortion is always stressful. Whether a person can cope with this stress depends on the condition. When a woman's psychological state is already fragile, the stress of an abortion can more easily distress her (Reardon). That is because a feeling of guilt for killing an unborn baby makes a person suffered. Therefore, it is necessary that surrounding people support her as well as she thinks about these in advance.

  Comparing the idea of abortion advocates with that of abortion opponents, both sides have some advantages and disadvantages. Having an abortion prevents undesirable childbirth, but at the same time abortion may leads a woman to die or at least causes a woman a feeling of guilt for killing her unborn baby. Although not having an abortion include a possibility of spending much money because of a new family member, it gives us great hope.

  In conclusion, abortion shouldn't be done even if there are some hard situations except undesirable childbirth like indecent.
(520)

Work cited

  "Researchers: Allow abortion in case of genetic disorders." The Daily Yomiuri 31 Mar.1997

  Henderson, Tom. "It seems we all want to save the world; go figure" Lewiston Morning Tribune (Idaho), 10 September. 2006, sec.Pg.1F,

   Rosemary Bennett, Social Affairs Correspondent." exposes women to higher risk of depression ." The Times (London) 27 Oct. 2006, sec. Home News Pg40

   David C. Reardon. "Identifying High Risk Abortion Patients" <http://lifeissues.net/writers/rea/rea_29highrisk.html>

3 件のコメント:

Haruka さんのコメント...

ESSAY Draft Checklist (adapted from SGW)

WRITER: Hisayuki

PEER EDITOR:Haruka

Formatting/Appearance: (bold problem areas)
Header top right
Student information top left
Title large size
Body text normal size
Paragraphs indented
One space after all punctuation




Title and Student Information

1) Title reflects view point and content? Yes No

2) Title correctly capitalized? Yes No

3) Title one font size larger than student information? Yes No

4) Student information correct and complete? Yes No

5) Student information top left corner? Yes No



Introduction

6) Do the first few sentences of the introduction capture your interest? Yes No

7) Is the introduction well-developed & organized smoothly leading to the thesis? Yes No

8) Does the introduction provide enough background information? Yes No

9) Does the introduction avoid excessive detail? Yes No

10) Is the thesis the final sentence of the introduction? Yes No

11) Does the thesis clearly state the topic and controlling ideas(s)? Yes No

11) Is the thesis clear and easy to understand? Yes No

12) Does the thesis present an issue or idea that can be argued? Yes No




Body Paragraphs

13) Does each paragraph have a clear topic sentence directly related to the thesis? Yes No

14) Does each paragraph include at least one piece of evidence which has been thoroughly explained to support the topic sentence? Yes No

15) Does each body paragraph directly relate to the thesis statement? Yes No

16) Does each body paragraph have a concluding sentence? (If necessary) Yes No




Conclusion

17) Does the conclusion restate the thesis, summarize the main points, and then give suggestions/offer predictions/solutions? (If appropriate) Yes No

18) Does the conclusion leave you with the feeling that the paper is complete? Yes No




Unity/Coherence/Grammar

19) Have the ideas in the paper been organized well? Yes No

20) Does the paper contain irrelevant information? Yes No

21) Does the paper use transitions (within and between paragraphs)? Yes No

22) Does the paper contain grammatical errors? Yes No

23) Does the paper contain many spelling or typographical errors? Yes No

24) Overall, does the paper make sense? Yes No




Paraphrasing/Summarizing/Citations

25) Are sources effectively, appropriately, and adequately used? Yes No

26) Has the writer integrated, not just dumped, their sources into the text? Yes No

27) Does the essay contain too many quotations (~10%)? Yes No

28) Does the essay have citations within the paper? Yes No

29) Are the citations written correctly? Yes No

30) Are there any missing citations? Yes No

31) Is there a Works Cited? Yes No

32) Are the sources on the Works Cited page written correctly? Yes No

33) Are the sources listed (family name or title first) in alphabetical order? Yes No

Haruka さんのコメント...

ESSAY Draft Checklist (adapted from SGW)

WRITER: Hisayuki

PEER EDITOR:Haruka

Formatting/Appearance: (bold problem areas)
Header top right? Yes
Student information top left? No
Title large size? Yes
Body text normal size? Yes
Paragraphs indented? Yes
One space after all punctuation? Yes




Title and Student Information

1) Title reflects view point and content? Yes

2) Title correctly capitalized? Yes No

3) Title one font size larger than student information? Yes

4) Student information correct and complete? Yes

5) Student information top left corner? No



Introduction

6) Do the first few sentences of the introduction capture your interest? Yes

7) Is the introduction well-developed & organized smoothly leading to the thesis? Yes

8) Does the introduction provide enough background information? Yes. But you can add more information.

9) Does the introduction avoid excessive detail? Yes

10) Is the thesis the final sentence of the introduction? Yes

11) Does the thesis clearly state the topic and controlling ideas(s)? Yes

11) Is the thesis clear and easy to understand? Yes

12) Does the thesis present an issue or idea that can be argued? Yes




Body Paragraphs

13) Does each paragraph have a clear topic sentence directly related to the thesis? Yes

14) Does each paragraph include at least one piece of evidence which has been thoroughly explained to support the topic sentence? Yes

15) Does each body paragraph directly relate to the thesis statement? No. I felt that you admit justice of abortion by first body paragraph.

16) Does each body paragraph have a concluding sentence? (If necessary) Yes?

Conclusion

17) Does the conclusion restate the thesis, summarize the main points, and then give suggestions/offer predictions/solutions? (If appropriate) Yes

18) Does the conclusion leave you with the feeling that the paper is complete? Yes

Unity/Coherence/Grammar

19) Have the ideas in the paper been organized well? Yes

20) Does the paper contain irrelevant information? No

21) Does the paper use transitions (within and between paragraphs)? Yes?

22) Does the paper contain grammatical errors? No, I think.

23) Does the paper contain many spelling or typographical errors? No

24) Overall, does the paper make sense? Yes

Paraphrasing/Summarizing/Citations

25) Are sources effectively, appropriately, and adequately used? Yes

26) Has the writer integrated, not just dumped, their sources into the text? Yes

27) Does the essay contain too many quotations (~10%)? No, it's an apt quotation.

28) Does the essay have citations within the paper? Yes No

29) Are the citations written correctly? Yes

30) Are there any missing citations? Yes

31) Is there a Works Cited? Yes

32) Are the sources on the Works Cited page written correctly? Yes

33) Are the sources listed (family name or title first) in alphabetical order? No

Owen James さんのコメント...

Hisayuki, At this fairly early stage overall, your ideas and your writing seem to be on track. The points on the peer review checklist to address now, are checklist items: 1, 11, 18, 19, & 30. The most important work is to increase the number and use of Japan-specific sources, including statistics. And, I look forward to seeing the critical examination deepen as your work progresses. Thank you, Owen.